My Ridiculous Tiara
I’m wearing it now, and I don’t feel silly at all. It doesn’t matter that it is 9:30 pm on a Saturday night and that I am in an old sweatshirt and yoga pants with wet hair and nothing but anti-wrinkle cream on my face. I wear it when I write to remind me that I am special. I don’t need approval or permission to be special. Don’t be jealous, my special-ness does not detract from yours. I think every girl deserves a tiara whether awarded her, a gift from someone who admires her, or she buys her own. The tiara reminds me that I have value. It also reminds me that I’m working on writing and that I have permission to ignore the laundry and that pile of crumbs under the table from dinner last night.
I’ve pulled out the tiara at many Gatherings of the Divas. Others wear them, or don’t. Tiaras are not required to be true Divas. A particularly enjoyable time was when a few of us took a weekend away in Branson, MO. I thought it would be fun to mark the event with Diva T-shirts, and most brought their tiaras along. You can imagine that we got some looks walking in a pack at the outlet mall. We were feeling sassy!
Divas: Kate, Shawn, JJ, Johnia and myself in Branson on a much needed Diva weekend. We got a little attention shopping, which we didn’t mind at all.
A few people asked what kind of club we were. We were happy to educate them. One lady said, “Oh, I wish we had that where I live!” I asked, “Do you have women where you live?” She confirmed that they did. “Then you should start your own pack of Divas”. She looked confused. That was when I realized. She, like many others, had forgotten how to make friends!!!
Remember back, those many years ago. You may have been in high school or college, but at some point, there is a good chance you had girlfriends. Gals with whom you could laugh or cry and you didn’t have to explain your “crazy” to them. What happened? Life, that’s what!
Now you are BUSY! Possibly with a career, or kids or maybe that is all behind you. Your kids could be old enough to not need you as much. You may be married, or single, or single again. Maybe life has thrown you for a loop and everything that you thought was true, isn’t. No matter what stage of life you are in, you need someone to whom you can relate. You need Divas! If it has been too long since you have cultivated a friendship it may take a little effort, but don’t give up.
Finding your Diva Pack: First, acknowledge that you matter. Oh, yes, you do! Self-care is not selfish. You are allowed to be important in your own life. Then realize that you are not actually alone, though it may feel that way. Look around. There are women that are as needful of you as you are them. They may not realize it yet, but we all need connection and real community.
Step out of your comfort zone: It is going to take you actually saying words, not just posting a couple of sad memes on Facebook about being lonely. Call a couple of ladies up and ask them to coffee, or over for a glass of wine. Against every cell in your body, don’t make it a big to-do. Keep it simple, so you and they can be relaxed. Be vulnerable, tell them that you are in need of fellowship. You may be surprised, most women will be relieved to have a moment of honest interaction, without the posturing and facades that we seem to have perfected over the years.
DON’T GIVE UP! For years, I didn’t understand why it was so hard for other ladies to foster these friendships until I moved 500 miles away from my Diva Pack a few months ago. Turns out it is super hard. Mostly because there are lots of great ladies out there, but it takes time to create a real bond. Going through a Recovery program helped to break down a lot of the walls, but I’m no longer in a program. I’ve got to figure it out with the rest of you, but I refuse to give up! I hope you don’t either, if at first we don’t succeed, try again!
Be relentless in finding your Divas. This may be harder than dating, and don’t be surprised if your Diva pack changes with the seasons of your life. Throw a party and invite any women you know. Tell them to bring something to eat or drink, and you will end up having as much food as guests. Keep it easy! Being a stress-monster at your own party will not make Divas want to get close to you. Consider starting a book club, attending small groups at church, taking a class, check out your kid’s friend’s parents. If you are in a time of brokenness, find a support group. I had no idea when I started Celebrate Recovery the value of sisterhood that would result. I know it will happen again, because I know the importance of friendship now. I was blessed to have fallen into a pack of Divas who were where I needed them, when I needed them most. I am rich where it counts, hence the tiara!